Shrek and the secret of the commonwealth
by grandstaircase
Summary: Shrek has everything taken from him and this is his story.
p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2; text-align: center;"span style="font-size: 96pt; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"Chapter 1/span/p
p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2; text-align: center;"span style="font-size: 30pt;"The Shrekening/span/p  
p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2; text-align: center;"By Hamburgler/p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Donkey Nooooooo" Shrek yelled As he awoke from a Alaska flashback(he has PTSD) in the year 2077. His beauty of an ogre wife, Nora asked "What's wrong honey?"/p  
p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2; height: 11pt;" /p  
p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Nothing Nora, go back to sleep." Shrek replied with his thick, sexy scottish accent./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Good morning Mister Shrek" Shrek's General Atomics Mr. Foxy animatronic butler said. " Your coffee's ready!"/p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Och, thanks. I feel like i,ve really hit rock bottom./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Go on honey get your coffee" Nora said, sleepily./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;" Shaun, Shrek's ogre baby was crying in his crib so Shrek put an onion is his mouth. Shrek walked into his living room and drank his coffee. Afterwards he practiced transfiguration on his cat, named donkey after his dead best friend donkey, who died in alaska fighting the Red Chinese Elite Wizard Corps. In the war he killed many commies but he feels like donkey's death was his fault. Mr. Foxy look quizzically at Shrek as he stared into space "Sir…" he said with concern in his attractive red eyes./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;" "But what about Nora?" Shrek asked./p  
p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2; height: 11pt;" /p  
p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;" "She is asleep sir." Mr. Foxy said quietly./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;" Shrek shoved Foxy onto the couch with all his might as they started passionately making out. Thier tongues wrapped around each other. Foxy started to unbutton Shrek's shirt when./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Hello! Vault-tec calling!" A man in a trench coat said./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"Shrek quickly buttoned his shirt and ran to the door. "What do ye want."/p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Just some paperwork sir." The vault-tec rep said to Shrek./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"He filled it out./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Thank you and now you are prepared for the future!" The man said as he walked away. Shaun kept crying so Shrek played with him for a bit. Nora woke up and was watching the news when the sirens started to go off./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Wife get the baby! I'll get my wand and broom!" Shrek yelled as he rummaged through his closet going past his feelings for foxy and finding his old equipment from Hogwarts. He flew out his house and into the vault where Nora and Shaun already were. He was ushered into a "decon pod" when he was cryogenically frozen./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"He was awoken by a robotic voice saying some things. He saw none other than VOLDEMORT aiming his wand at his wife's pod. The door opened and a robot death-eater tried to take shaun from his ogre wife. Little did he know that it was last last time he would see her alive. The Dark Lord said "Let the boy go, or else."/p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"Nora tried to use a powerful ogre roar but all the years of being a housewife betrayed her and she vomited onion juice on He-who-must-not-be-named. He yelled "AVADA KEDAVRA!" And killed her dead./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shrek roared with grief as he saw his wife die and his son be taken away. The robot said he was being frozen again and he broke down with grief./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"He awoke and all he wanted to see his son./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2; text-align: center;"span style="font-size: 96pt; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"Chapter 2/span/p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2; text-align: center;"span style="font-size: 30pt;"A Hero's Beginning/span/p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"Shrek got out of the vault shocked, his wife killed, his son missing and woke up in a vault full of skeletons. He walked slowly as he saw his old neighborhood in the distance, Sanctuary Hills. He looked down the streets of his old home and saw someone, it was his old butler./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Foxy? It it really yeh?" The great Green one asked./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Aye it be me Shrek, Ye be around 210 years late fer supper". Mr. Foxy replied./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Holy Feck! The Vault-Tec man was correct! The world has gone to hack in a handbasket." Shrek exclaimed. "Is there anyone left?"/p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Aye there be people in Concord and Lexington, but be warned they be not the nicest of folks". Foxy said as he looked at the holes in his fur. "They've taken potshots at me, aye but I be made of tougher stuff than them. God bless General Atomics!"/p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;""Do ye want to come with meh?" Shriek asked as he looked at Foxy's still sexy body. Foxy noticed and bounced his robotic pecks at Shrek./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"Foxy smiled showing his spooky teeth and said "As you wish"./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"They went a little farther and saw the red rocket gas station, there a donkey was looking in the windows of the station. Shrek started to remember the war against those "Screaming Commie Meanies" as the news called them./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"Shrek and donkey were flying on their RobCo supersonic robotic brooms and using the Lumos spell to see at night. The Chinese noticed and Donkey gave Shrek a final good bye and dived into the Chinese flak./p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"Shrek shivered as he remembered that night and broke down crying. He walked up to the donkey and literally pulled a pile of waffles from his right ear. The donkey ate them up and said, "Shrek? Waddup my dude?"/p  
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p style="padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-indent: 36pt; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"Shrek couldn't believe it! It was donkey… but how? Donkey revealed that after being petrified by the Chinese Elite Wizard Dragoon Corps he was brainwashed and sent back to America to cast nuke spells, since he was the only wizard powerful enough to do it. Shrek wasted him then and there and vomited in his mouth. It was so powerful that it melted his old friend./p


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